Campanastan

In China, Good Samaritans Need Not Apply

This story is from the 11 October 2009 weekly issue of The Christian Science Monitor. It's a sad commentary.

If you have Good Samaritan tendencies, you might want to steer clear of China. Shanghai resident Zhang Jun can vouch for that.

On his way to work, while stopped at a red light, Zhang was approached by a man him who begged him for a ride home. He said he had a stomach ache and could not find a cab. Zhang told him to hop in. The passenger offered him the equivalent of USD $1.30 for his troubles, but Zhang refused. When the man asked him to stop, Zhang did. The man immediately grabbed the car keys, and then seven or eight uniformed men descended upon the vehicle and dragged Zhang from his car.

The passenger and the men were from the municipal traffic department. They roughed Zhang up, accused him of driving an unregistered taxi, and told him it would cost him USD $1,300 to get his car back.

Later, when Zhang called the department to complain about this blatant entrapment, the official wanted to know what business was it of his if someone had a stomach ache.

No indication of whether he got his car back, but this episode has garnered worldwide attention after Zhang blogged about it.

"I should not have shown any sympathy for others. At over 30 years old, I should not be so naive as to give a ride to a stranger. A piffling little citizen like me should not aspire to act like Comrade Lei Feng." -- Zhang Jun [Lei Feng was a Chinese soldier lauded for his good works, and his spirit is honored each 5 March.]

When Frat Boys Grow Up: Guards Gone Wild, or Assholes in Afghanistan

Now I know what happened to all those guys from Sigma Nu I went to school with: they grew up to become private security guards, working for the State Department, protecting the embassy in Kabul.

Actually, I'm wrongfully impugning the reputation of my frat-boy classmates; even they would not indulge in such moronic behavior: drinking alcohol from butt cracks, posing half-naked in sexually suggestive positions.

Check out this CNN report and New York Times story. 

Pictures are from Mother Jones; there are more if you like. 

The story was uncovered by the Project On Government Oversight (POGO). Here is POGO's letter to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

These clowns work for ArmorGroup North America, owned byWackenhut Services, Inc.

 

“I can’t really address a lot of these issues because they’re under investigation.” -- Ian C. Kelly, State Department spokesman

Jim Rice, Grumpy Old Man

Now we finally know what Jim Rice did all those years while he waited to be elected to baseball's Hall of Fame: sharpened his tongue.

Rice recently unloaded on today's baseball stars before some Little Leaguers:

You see a Manny Ramirez, you see an A-Rod, you see Jeter … Guys that I played against and with, these guys you’re talking about cannot compare. We didn’t have the baggy uniforms. We didn’t have the dreadlocks. It was a clean game, and now they’re setting a bad example for the young guys.

So his era's game was a 'clean game'? Hmmm....Has Rice not heard of "greenies"?

He understandably singled out A-Rod and Manny Ramirez for bad behavior (no complaints here), but Derek Jeter? Jeter, arguably having the best year of his career at age 35, is a throwback who 'plays the game as it should be played', unlike slacker Manny and juiced-up, me-first A-Rod. To lump Jeter in with people like A-Rod and Manny shows that Rice has been living in a cave lo these past 15 years. Or, as Barney Frank might ask, "On what planet do you spend most of your time?"

Rice now claims he was misquoted about Jeter.

He also went on to complain about today's players in general:

What you see right now is more individuals, it's not a team. Now you have guys coming in, they pick the days they want to play, they make big money. The first thing they see are dollar bills.

Wonder what he'd think about guys like Albert Pujols, Chipper Jones, Miguel Cabrera, Ken Griffey, Jr., Joe Mauer, David Wright, Todd Helton, Prince Fielder, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Evan Longoria, et al? Slackers all, who could not stack up to Rice and his contemporaries!

It's odd that Rice spoke about ballplayers being bad examples. When he played, Rice had the reputation as a surly, insular guy who was antagonistic towards the press (the likely reason he waited so long for the HOF). In fairness to Rice, being an African-American baseball player in Boston 30 years ago could not have been a picnic, especially when he played on the same team as "All-American" boy Fred Lynn, who won both the MVP and Rookie-of-the-Year awards in 1975, also Rice's rookie year.

Jim, you were a great ballplayer - third in a line of great Boston HOF left fielders (Ted Williams and Carl Yastrzemski preceded him) - but whining and bitterness are so unbecoming to a Hall of Famer.

"Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact." -- George Eliot

 

“Yes, in my 27 years in the big leagues, he is probably the classiest person I’ve been around.” -- umpire John Hirschbeck, speaking of Derek Jeter

Will They Still Love Rick Pitino Tomorrow? Yes, If He Keeps Winning

By now you've all heard about Rick Pitino, the very successful college basketball coach at the University of Louisville, one of the big-time programs where a won-loss record that would be golden at many other places gets you a one-way ticket out of town.

Pitino also coached at archrival University of Kentucky and won a national championship there in 1996.

What's not to like about Rick, another Long Island Italian-American kid who made it big?

Pitino, married with five children, has admitted to a one-night stand (actually, it was a table) in 2003 with Karen Sypher. They reportedly had sex on a table at an upscale Louisville restaurant (no, not Denny's). She apparently got an abortion, married his assistant Tim Sypher, then tried to extort $10M from Pitino and is now under indictment and getting a divorce. Suffice it to say that it is quite messy.

Pitino's nominal UL boss, President James Ramsey, is standing behind him despite a clause in his contract that permits termination for "acts of moral depravity or misconduct that damages the university's reputation." I'm sure Ramsey ran this past the boosters.

Some Kentucky Catholics (all fifteen) are urging forgiveness. That's nice.

So why am I posting about this? I am not here to judge Pitino, a highly-paid, high-profile, very successful coach. His last UL team was 31-5 and missed the Final Four by a game. His overall college winning percentage is something like 73%.

What I am wondering is this:

1) would Pitino be getting cut such slack if his last few teams had been mediocre?

2) will he be let go if it turns out this sordid affair affects recruiting or his team's play?

We'll see what happens this year. As  former UNLV head coach Jerry Tarkanian once said, "As long as you're winning, they love you."

"It's Happening Here." - UL motto

WTF? Obama Channels Bush, Issues Signing Statements

Just when you thought it safe to feel comfortable with an articulate President who exudes intelligence and fair-mindedness, the truth surfaces: President Obama digs signing statements. That's the same tactic that drove liberals and others crazy when former President Bush employed them to challenge over 1,200 provisions in various bills - more than twice those of all previous presdients combined.  

President Obama has attached signing statements to 5 of the 42 bills he's signed - to be sure, a far cry from what President Bush did.

Let's hope he does not make a habit of this.

Read all about it in Charlie Savage's New York Times article.

“We didn’t think it was an appropriate practice when President Bush was doing it, and our policy is such that we don’t think it is an appropriate practice when President Obama is doing it.” --H. Thomas Wells, former president, American Bar Association 

Oh, Canada! Does the 2010 Olympic Torch Look Like a Joint?

People are fussing about the torch design for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, saying that it looks like a joint.

 

Read all about it here.

Rumor has it that Scooby-Doobie will be the mascot and the Doobie Brothers will be the official band.

I suspect the Jamaican boblsed team will do well.

Higher, faster, stronger, higher...for sure, dude.

"Sure, it may look a little bit like a joint, but I can tell you that what they were going for was ergonomics, sleekness, modernity."  -- Mark Busse, industrial designer (uh-huh)

Skip a Few Mortgage Payments, Get a Ticket to Yankee Stadium

Oh, boy! Baseball's Opening Day is tomorrow! Okay, today is opening night.

The Yankees have a new stadium, rumored to cost around $1.5B. The Mets also have one, too, Citi Field, but it cost just about $800M.

I'd love to get a ticket to the Yankees' home opener on 16 April, but I have to make my next few mortgage payments. The most expensive single-game seat at Yankee Stadium is $2,625.

World Series: Yankees vs. Mets, Yanks in 7.

"We don't see it as ostentatious or flashy. We see it as classy." – Hal Steinbrenner, on the new Yankee Stadium

Climate Change Conspiracy: Global Forces of Evil at Work

Two of Campanastan's colleagues had the following email exchange about global warming, in particular, two videos.

Colleague 1:

In case you guys have not seen the CBC documentary or the second more dramatic program on the disagreement of actual science and 
top climatologists with the current climate change scam, I attach the two 
links.  I thought these programs were very good and was relieved that 
real scientists are collecting real data and FINALLY speaking out 
against the politicians, United Nations, and Wall Street banker 
interests in the promotion of the false conclusions about climate 
change.

Maybe Al Gore will be sorry he ever "invented" the internet! 
Because of the internet, I believe that the climate change scam 
will crumble in the light of the work that is going on now to
show that the real scientific community is not on board at all. 
Unbelievable to me that this thing could have such a following of well intentioned but unquestioning people.

The pdf attachment [unavailable] is all about Al's motives, as if we can
 ever know or care what the true reasons are for the guy, but it is 
interesting to me that it is much of the same Wall Street gang that is 
currently looting our accounts.

During the Depression, people learned to carry their billfolds in 
their front pocket so they would not be pick-pocketed.  Now I see why!

Enjoy and let me know what you think.

I have been upset about this topic for some time and I really like 
seeing the scientific community trying to correct this junk science.

Colleague 2:

I watched one of the videos and part of the other and, though they're well done, I don't agree.  There's an awful lot of evidence supporting the climate change hypothesis in widely diverse fields by a lot of very smart, careful, and most importantly, independent and very ethical scientists.  Their data come from atmospheric science, paleontology, biology, glaciology, meteorology, all kinds of earth observations and other fields.   I find it impossible to believe that there's a conspiracy of this magnitude to create this scenario.  There's too much agreement between too many disparate fields of studies.

In my experience, the naysayers/disbelievers pick at the margins.  They'll find tidbits of contradictory evidence and extrapolate from this to the conclusion that the whole climate change hypothesis is wrong.  Certainly the globe has been warmer and colder than today, but the rate of change of temperature, of ice sheet melting & glacial retreat, of changes in biomes & species extinction, of changes in weather patterns, arctic warming, and of CO2 levels in the last 100 years is unprecedented.  Both the first and second derivatives are positive and much greater than at any time in the past.

Last.  I see very little downside in working to minimize CO2 emissions regardless of whether climate change is occurring.  Maybe there's a slight impact on global economies, but that's a tiny blip on the curve.  On the positive side, accepting the climate change hypothesis leads to energy conservation and that can only be a good thing - it'll preserve our fossil fuel resources a bit longer and encourage us to develop alternative energy sources.  Accepting the hypothesis spurs a lot of good science and development of new technologies.  Maybe it'll force us to start living more sustainable lives.  And there's a lot of international cooperation as countries work together to develop the science, technologies and policies to meet the problem.

But the downside risks of ignoring the hypothesis are enormous.  Drought.  Sea level rise.  Spread of tropical diseases.  Extreme weather phenomena.  Scariest of all might be the inertia of the whole thing.  A climate guy here said that if we reduced CO2 emissions to 1950 levels it would likely take 100 years or longer to re-establish 1950 atmospheric CO2 levels, if that would even be possible; there are feedback loops such as ice cap melting that may make the impacts irreversible.

So the videos are provocative.  And we should all watch 'em, but watch them critically.  And don't let them change public policies related to conservation and sustainability.  But my opinion won't change till I see agreement by many people from many fields published in refereed journals - not videos for the general public.

Check out my earlier posts on Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK), the "ostrich syndrome",  and another global warming skeptic.

I love people who believe in massive conspiracy theories, whether it has to do with climate change or world financial domination. Makes life a lot simpler when you believe that "forces of evil" are controlling things, and you are just a helpless pawn. You don't really have to think much.

And it's always good to throw in the UN and, these days, Wall Street bankers. Don't forget the Jewish moneylenders, the Rothschilds, the Illuminati, and the Trilateral Commission.

Regarding conspiracies by scientists: anyone who believes this doesn't know science or scientists. Global conspiracies require the acquiescence of large numbers of people. So you're going to get a huge number of scientists from disparate fields to toe the line? Uh-huh. Dream on, friend. Go to a meeting of one of the mainstream scientific societies and see what tranpsires.  

Slick videos are great, but what counts is the cauldron that is the refereed scientific literature.  

"In fact, one thing that I have noticed . . . is that all of these conspiracy theories depend on the perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find the facts also work if you assume everyone is endlessly stupid." -- Unknown

Why College Football Annoys Me

From Austin Murphy's blog on 8 January 2009 (the day of the national championship game between U of OK and U of FL):

MIAMI -- Urban Meyer [U of FL head football coach] is heading south on I-95 in the teeth of rush hour. But there is no slowing the Gators coach, who is riding shotgun in an unmarked police car. Behind him are the team buses, around them is a 20-motorcycle police escort. Officers range ahead, sweeping motorists from the left lane, temporarily closing on-ramps. At this moment it is, indeed, great to be a Florida Gator.

Twenty motorcycles, observes a passenger in the backseat. Think that might be a little bit of overkill? I'm not sure visiting heads of state rate 20 motorcycles.

Well, Meyer deadpans, they're not playing for a national championship.

Oh, yeah - Florida won, 24-14.

"Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it." --Luke Salisbury

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
              --Bill Peterson, former Florida State University football coach

"Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important." -- Eugene J. McCarthy

Truth in Advertising - Las Vegas Style

I'm in Sin City itself for the National Ground Water Association Expo. I am staying at the Las Vegas Hilton, still standing lo these many years.

I couldn't help but notice the Riviera's huge sign across Paradise Road. In huge red letters it says:

NEIL DIAMOND

Below that, in small black letters, it says:

'tribute show starring Jay White'

Then it has:

BARBRA AND FRANK
THE CONCERT

followed by this in much smaller letters:

'that never was'

That's why I love this town!

"Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something."  -- Wilson Mizner

The Big Three Stooges Visit Washington, Poke Taxpayers in the Eye

The Big Three Stooges flew down to DC on their corporate jets to ask Congress for $25B.

 

GM CEO Rick "Moe" Wagoner, Ford's Alan "Curley" Mulally, and Chrysler's Bob "Larry" Nardelli testified before the Senate Banking Committee, predicting dire straits if they didn't get the money.

My thoughts:

• I realize here are good reasons for using corporate jets, but in this case, their PR folks should be canned for allowing them to fly to DC in their private jets. I suspect no one even thought to suggest that they take commercial flights. To me that shows how out-of-touch these magnates are. Scott Simon on NPR said it right - they should have all piled into a hybrid and driven themselves down to Capitol Hill. Trouble is, none of the Big Three Stooges' firms makes a hybrid. Hey, couldn't you guys have jet-pooled? [Read this piece from the Vancouver Sun.]

• They came down without a plan on how they would spend the $25B. That omission speaks volumes. Duhhh...Perhaps that is part of the problem, guys.

• The Big Three Stooges have dragged their collective feet on new CAFE standards and the building of fuel-efficient small cars, hybrids, etc. Toyota and Honda have left them in the dust on hybrids.

• The Big Three Stooges want the money not necessarily to retool and take their respective firms in new directions, but to help them get out from under their oppressive legacy costs.  So there is no assurance that the money will "save" them.  [Note: health care reform, anyone?]

• In fairness, we shoulder some of the blame. The Big Three Stooges would not have kept producing 3-ton Hummers and other gargantuan SUVs had the American public not kept buying them. But we did, and the automakers were happy to keep making the high-profit vehicles.

"Mini-cars make mini-profits." -- former Ford and Chrysler CEO Lee Iacocca, when asked why Detroit did not build more small cars

"...because for years I thought what was good for the country was good for General Motors and vice versa." - Charles E. "Engine Charlie" Wilson, former GM CEO and Secretary of Defense, when asked during his confirmation hearings if he could make a decision contrary to the interests of General Motors

You, Too, Can Major in Criminal Justice, or University Studies, or...

USA Today ran an excellent series on Sports & Academics. Not a pretty sight.

Will anything substantive result? Dream on.

Some good news: Florida State safety Myron Rolle has been awarded a Rhodes Scholarship. He's a top football player, and has graduated in 2.5 years with a 3.75 GPA. 

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." -- Senior basketball player, University of Pittsburgh

Macho Mexico City Knows: Keepin' It Up Keeps Geezer Guys Grinning

Ah, those macho Mexicans! They know what's important.

Seems like the government of Mexico City is now providing free ED drugs to men 70 and over.

Here is the AP story from MSNBC:

MEXICO CITY - Mexico City is giving out free Viagra and other impotence drugs to men 70 and older.

Mayor Marcelo Ebrard says the city is implementing the plan because sexuality "has a lot to do with quality of life and our happiness."

City Health Secretary Armando Ahued said Thursday that the government will start handing out doses of one or two Viagra, Levitra or Cialis pills on Dec. 1.

They will be distributed at three centers that specialize in sexual health for the elderly. The men will receive medical examinations before receiving the pills.

Ahued says an estimated 112,000 men 70 or older live in the Federal District, which has a population of 8.7 million.

Some 20 million people live in the greater Mexico City area.

The government has yet to figure out who would want to have sex with elderly Mexico City men.

"At 90, it's like using a rope to shoot pool." -- George Burns, on having sex

Have A Problem That's VUCA? Beware The BSO!

Always fun going to meetings in DC; I learn so much, not always about water.

One of my colleagues described a problem with the acronym VUCA: Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, Ambiguous. Hard to beat that, right?

But now comes BSO. What's a BSO? Since I was in a meeting with international development experts, I immediately thought, "Bullshit Objectives," but was wrong. 

BSO stands for Bright, Shiny Object - something that looks very appealing but really just distracts you from the task at hand, which itself  may be a BSO - Bullshit Objective.

So the next time you are dealing with a VUCA problem, beware the BSOs. Or, if the problem is really VUCA, look for a BSO and enjoy yourself.

I've been attending too many meetings for too long.

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.” – George Carlin

UA Runs Out of Gas - Around Wichita

 Well, just like my trip back to Oregon from Norfolk, VA, last month, my return from Raleigh-Durham (RDU) on 24 July became a 24-hour odyssey with an impromptu vacation in Denver. 

Two hours into my United Airlines flight from RDU to Denver (DEN), our pilot announced that we would have to stop in Wichita, KS, to take on more fuel because of "rerouting". Airlines are required to carry at least 45 minutes' worth of extra fuel on each flight. They don't like to carry more because it adds weight, which uses more fuel.

As is customary with pilots, he stated that this process would only take "about 15 minutes" and then we'd be on our way. Forty-five minutes later, we took off for DEN, where we landed over an hour late, just in time for me to see my flight to Eugene (EUG) push back from the gate.

So I called Kumar in Bangalore for a new flight, and after allowing him to go through his entire, mostly superfluous, script (I've learned not to interrupt customer service people to volunteer information, because you'll just wind up repeating it as they go through their paces). Kumar finally got me another nonstop to Eugene the next day, after I refused a connection through SFO, which I told him simply provided the potential to miss another flight.

But just like my earlier experience at ORD I got to stay in a $300 per night hotel, the Denver Airport Marriott, and that was only because someone canceled just before I called. Every hotel I called was booked solid, as the long lines at the UA "customer service" center foretold.

But I did get free wireless Internet. And flying into/out of Eugene is always a diversion. Half the passengers look like they've been in a One Toke Over The Line video.

"Think of how stupid the average person is, then realize that half of them are stupider than that." - George Carlin

Stuck in the Middle at O'Hare...But I Did Get to Stay at a Hilton Hotel Last Night

I spent a semi-delightful three days in the Norfolk-Virginia Beach area at a conference. The meeting was held at the Founders Inn and Spa in Virginia Beach. The venue is adjacent to Pat Robertson's Regent University, whose law school gained notoriety by providing a disproportionate number of lawyers to the Bush Administration. Regent's law school is no slouch, however; Christian Lawyer recently ranked it #2 in the greater Norfolk-Portsmouth-Virginia Beach area, right behind the University of P.O. Box 8000's school.

A local told me that the Founders Inn is owned by Roberston (or his church or university). That accounted for the fact that only beer and wine were available in the restaurant. No demon rum there! But the WiFi was free (see below).

Pictures of our Founding Fathers graced the walls - Jefferson, Madison, Franklin, et al. I mentioned to one of the employees that they were missing a portrait of Sen. Harry F. Byrd, Sr. (D-VA). I got a puzzled look (see today's quote). 

If staying at Pat's Place wasn't enough of a thrill, I was the beneficiary of an impromptu, pre-Independence Day vacation in Chicagoland.

Yes, ATC (Air Traffic Control) delays at O'Hare International Airport (ORD) necessitated a 2.5 hour delay departing from Norfolk International (so designated because there are nonstop flights to South Carolina). But that delay enabled me to study and appreciate the Pat Robertson mural at the airport.

Upshot: I missed my connection to Portland, OR, and spent the night of 2 July at the Hilton Hotel at ORD. Only $300/night!

Here are the many benefits of paying $300/night at to stay at the ORD Hilton:

• Wireless Internet is only $12.99 + tax per night
• Mini-bar charges are reasonable: $4.50 for a small bag of fat-free pretzels or a granola bar, plus tax and 17%
• You can easily check on airport weather without paying to go online
• Your AT&T BlackBerry actually has more than two bars (unlike in Virginia Beach)
• Your HiltonHonors Silver membership level will earn you a free bottle of water (ordinarily $4.95 + tax + 17%) from the mini-bar (but it wasn't even a name brand!)
• You get to stand in the check-in line with citizens of 10 different countries where you can learn numerous swear words
• You can easily check on the length of the ORD security lines without leaving your room
• A portion of your payment goes to support the Cook County political machine to help keep ORD running smoothly
• You get AMEX Rewards points
• You get a free copy of Conrad Hilton's blockbuster best-seller, Be My Guest
• You get a free voucher good for two Paris Hilton videos on the pay-per-view TV channel

But the real fun is yet to come, as I try to recover my $300 from the Oregon State University bean counters ("You could have gotten a cheaper room in Rockford.").

"Never was there a man who so dragged his feet through the sands of time." -- Unknown, said about Sen. Harry F. Byrd, Sr. (D-VA)

In the Tank: Mismanaging the USA's Strategic Petroleum Reserve

The current issue (July-August 2008) of Foreign Affairs has an intriguing article by David G. Victor and Sarah Eskreis-Winkler,'In the Tank', about the USA's Strategic Petroleum Reserve (SPR), which now contains over 700 million barrels of oil stored underground in salt domes along the Texas and Louisiana coasts.

A succinct summary:Oil stocks can help buffer economic shocks, but only if Washington radically reforms its handling of them.

As the summary implies, Washington has not been doing a good job of managing the SPR. What struck me was the following passage:

Under the presidencies of Clinton and George W. Bush, the United States managed the SPR exactly backward -- selling when prices were low and buying when they were high -- squandering perhaps as much as $1 billion over two decades.

Sell low and buy high. I'd expect that from Clinton, but I would have imagined that Dubya, the "MBA President", from Harvard, no less, would have known better. But wait -  it's not 'Dubya', but 'Duhhhhhbya'.

Good article.

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it." -- Mark Twain

Santa Ana from San Diego: John Coleman on Global Warming

Looks like global warming has indeed struck San Diego - those hot Santa Ana winds are a-blowin'!

Okay, who's John Coleman? I had never heard of him till friend Don Mahin (my first graduate student - Master of Science 30 years ago!) sent me a link to his comments before the San Diego Chamber of Commerce that assailed anthropogenic global warming. Let me guess - the SD C of C was probably a very receptive audience for these comments, especially since Coleman dumped on Al Gore.

So who is he? Coleman is a weatherman on KUSI in San Diego. He has been doing this stuff for over 55 years, which eminently qualifies him as an expert on climate change, and even started the Weather Channel until the "bad guys" took it from him. 

Here are some of his reasons why anthropogenic global warming is a myth:

1) CO2 is not a significant GHG. Why not? Well, because its concentration in the atmosphere is so low (c. 385 ppm) that it can't possibly be a significant GHG!  What logic! Hey, John, there are many chemicals that are effective at far lower concentrations. Try ozone, whose low concentrations (c. 10-15 ppm, outside of heavily polluted areas) in the atmosphere provide essential  protection from UV rays. How about hydrogen sulfide? Exposure to 100 ppm (or even fewer ppm) for less than an hour will kill you. 

2) Coleman also makes a big point of the fact that 31,000 scientists (9,000 were PhDs) signed a statement refuting global warming. He uses pure numbers to refute the 2,500 who comprise the IPCC - 31,000 trumps 2,500. So are these 31,000 scientists (or 9,000 PhDs) people with expertise in climatology and atmospheric science? I have a PhD in hydrology. So am I an expert in global warming? If I signed a petition (as a PhD) decrying the basis for supply-side economics would that carry any weight? It shouldn't.

3) Even more compelling proof awaits us. Coleman cites the International Conference of Climate Change Skeptics (actually, "Skeptics" was not in the title, but that's what Coleman has - a slip of the tongue, perhaps) in New York City last March. It attracted 100 speakers and filled every one of its 600 seats (perhaps the venue could not hold more). Wow! A conference in NYC that attracted 600 people! Surely that lends great credibility to the anti-global warming frenzy! I suspect if I held a conference on "pyramid power" in Santa Fe, NM, I could fill a 600-seat venue. Would that mean "pyramid power" has credibility? In Coleman's world, I suppose so. 

The above are the kinds of arguments that have great traction with groups like the San Diego C of C.

It's one thing to question global warming and/or its anthropogenic component, but let's stick to the science.

Here is Coleman's Corner, where you can read more.

"My mission, in what is left of a long and exciting lifetime, is to stamp out this Global Warming silliness and let all of us get on with enjoying our lives and loving our planet, Earth." -- John Coleman

Richie Lionel: Commode Doors to Reunite

Richie Lionel, sometimes called the "male Celine Dion" and the "Neil Diamond of the Arab world", said that he was tired of being known only as "Nicole Lionel's father," and would reunite with his former group, the Commode Doors, for a tour in the next two years.

Lionel, whose career has tanked in recent years but who shared the "2007 Parent of the Year" award with Lynne Spears, noted that the reunion was his idea.  

According to Lionel's publicist, Anita Newkar, the other group members, desperate for money and recognition after amicably parting ways with Lionel 25 years ago, were ecstatic.

Bassist Phil "Schizo" Addio, interviewed at the Little Sisters of Lots of Mercy shelter in Birmingham, AL, echoed the feelings of the other group members when he said, "Twenty-five #$%@*&^ years ago he dumped us and left us with *&^%#@&*. That *&$%^#@!! It's about time that *&^%$#^& quit dissin' us and showed us a little love. That &^%*$# always thought his sorry black ass was better than ours."

Lionel said that the reunion might last for more than one tour if the group members "sucked up enough to him," didn't try to "hog all the ladies," made an attempt to "learn how to play their instruments and sing at the same time," and "promised to keep their hands off Nicole, or at least wash them if they couldn't."

Tour venues and dates have not been established yet, although Lionel said he was considering  a winter 2010 tour to the following places, which formerly were Commode Door fan strongholds: Buffalo, NY; Rapid City, SD; Fargo, ND; Erie, PA; Utica, NY; Redneck, TX; Bangor, ME; Butte, MT; Dubai, UAE; and Provo, UT.

Reactions from fans, music critics, and assorted mammals were as expected.  

An Important Message From DHS and Your Phone Company

"I want to talk about three issues facing America. The first are homeland security." -- President George W. Bush, 15 April 2008, Cedar Rapids, IA

Election 2008: Where's the Environment?

In light of the recently-concluded (thank heavens!) Pennsylvania Democratic primary, I thought I would post this item. Colleague Dick Enberg sent me this thoughtful piece, written by G. Tracy Mehan, III, Principal, The Cadmus Group, and former Assistant Administrator for Water, U.S. EPA.

Here is the original column, published in March 2008.

It is understandable, but nevertheless disappointing, that environmental and natural resources issues have not received much attention during the presidential campaign to date.

Two wars, illegal immigration, loss of manufacturing jobs, health care, a housing bubble, and a cratering stock market rivet the attention of the candidates and the voters both of whom are groping for a path forward amidst great uncertainty at home and abroad.

Thus, the environment is hardly a “top-of-the mind” issue, commanding only little attention on the campaign trail. There is some discussion of climate change, usually paired with energy independence or security; but, for the most part, it not drawn much interest this election cycle. Basically, the election is about war and economic insecurity.

There are other reasons why climate change is not getting much play in the political arena. Ironically, these have to do with an unusual degree of consensus on the campaign trail and an emerging one in Congress. All three of the major presidential candidate left standing share the same basic policy orientation in favor of some kind of cap-and-trade program to reduce carbon emissions, the paramount Greenhouse Gas. Second, legislation authorizing such a program has been moving on Capitol Hill, eclipsing every economist’s preferred option, a “revenue-neutral” carbon tax with offsetting tax cuts, say, for corporate or personal income taxes.

This latter option could be justified on supply-side, i.e., pro-growth, and national security grounds, while allowing for total agnosticism as to both the cause and extent of climate change. But in any tax restructuring there are winners and losers, and losers fight more tenaciously than winners in the political scrum. Moreover, most voters will only hear the word “tax” without hearing or comprehending “revenue-neutrality.” And no one wants to give up their SUVs.

On the other hand, the carbon cap-and-trade option camouflages its higher transaction costs. Hence, its political palatability renders its complexity tolerable.

Climate change is an all-encompassing issue which has consequences for forestry, water management, marine biology, wildlife, and just about everything else. That said, it has sucked all the oxygen out of the room in terms of the public dialogue on a broader range of environmental issues. If it’s not climate, it’s not worth talking about.

What are those other issues which are competing, largely unsuccessfully, with global climate change for prime time? Each of us will have his or her preferred list of issues to be given their 15 minutes of fame. Here are a few possibilities:

• The nation’s waters are suffering from nutrient over-enrichment from unregulated, polluted runoff from agriculture (nonpoint source pollution) and from the growth of impervious surfaces (roads, roofs, parking lots, etc.). The “Dead Zone” in the Gulf of Mexico and the ailing Chesapeake Bay are two examples of these challenges. What, if anything, should the federal government do to either reduce this pollution or at least not aggravate it? New laws? Curtail subsidies? Target existing Farm Bill conservation dollars?
• Is ethanol really the best we can do? It is an inefficient energy source and a voracious consumer of water. Increased corn planting will increase agricultural runoff (see above) and using it all for fuel drives up the cost of food worldwide. This is the result of federal subsidies and tariffs on “good” ethanol from Brazil.
• The nation is facing a severe investment gap in infrastructure generally and in the water and wastewater sectors specifically. What is the proper contribution of local ratepayers versus federal taxpayers if any? Should the federal government fund research on cutting edge technologies (e.g., decentralized, least-cost) and better management practices such as asset management or EMS (environmental management systems)? What about utilizing public-private partnerships and private equity? Or do we go back to large-scale government grants or a trust fund?
• Should Congress renew the Superfund tax or let it be?
• Can the U.S. Forest Service (USFS) really manage the nation’s forests effectively anymore? Over half of its budget goes to fire fighting, and the USFS is constantly tied up in court.
• Will we ever reauthorize and reform any of the major environmental laws? Congress has not been able to do so since it reauthorized the Safe Drinking Water Act in 1996.

Environmental and natural resources policy is a very polarized subject reflecting what has been a polarized Red State/Blue State America. With an election less than a year away, it would be edifying to hear more about these matters from the presidential candidates in the months ahead.

"Politicians, like babies' diapers, need to be changed often and for much the same reason." -- Unknown

Neocons' Regrets

Friend Marc Herman, who shares my sense of humor and Weltanschauung, told me that my post about Douglas Feith and his "unhappiness" at the way things unfolded in Iraq reminded him of  one of Tom Tomorrow's This Modern World cartoons.

My Backwards Bush timer is down to 283 days!

"We're still being challenged in Iraq and the reason why is a free Iraq will be a major defeat in the cause of freedom." -- President George W. Bush, Charlotte, NC, 5 April 2004

'S**t or Get off the Pot', or 'Pass Me Another Pot-Sticker'

This AP story has one of those 'so bizarre it has to be true' rings to it. I sure could not make it up. Here is a news video.

NESS CITY, Kan. - Deputies said a woman in western Kansas sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years, and they're investigating whether she was mistreated.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said a man called his office last month to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend.

Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

“She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body,” Whipple said. “It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself.”

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

“And her reply would be, ‘Maybe tomorrow,”’ Whipple said. “According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom.”

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that “there was something wrong with his girlfriend,” Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was “somewhat disoriented,” and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

“She said that she didn’t need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave,” he said.

She was taken to a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.

Police have declined to release the couple’s names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.

The case has been the buzz in Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.

Her boyfriend sounds like a real prize, too. I trust there was another bathroom in the house.

Note added on 20 March 2008 from the AP:

NESS CITY, Kan. - A man whose girlfriend authorities say spent nearly two years in a bathroom in their house, sitting on the toilet so long that the seat adhered to her body, has been charged with mistreatment of a dependent adult.

Kory McFarren, 37, was charged Monday in Ness County District Court.

McFarren called the Ness County Sheriff’s Office in late February to say something was wrong with his girlfriend. When authorities arrived at the home, they found Pam Babcock, 35, stuck to the toilet, which they think she had sat on for about a month.

McFarren told authorities that Babcock feared leaving the bathroom and may not have left it in two years, although said he was unsure how long she was in there. He said that he took her food and water daily, and that he repeatedly asked her to come out but that she usually replied “maybe tomorrow.”

“The only thing I am guilty of is I didn’t get her help sooner,” McFarren told The Associated Press nearly a week ago.

Ness County Attorney Craig Crosswhite said the mistreatment charge most closely fit the situation.

“I looked at the statutes and spoke to the attorney general’s office,” he said. “This was a very unusual set of circumstances, and this is the law that most closely applied to the situation.”

Authorities said Babcock sat on the toilet so long that open sores developed and caused her to become attached to the seat. Sheriff Bryan Whipple has said that he used a pry bar to remove the seat from the toilet, and that the woman was taken to the hospital with the seat still attached.

“She would have to be sleeping on the toilet,” Whipple said.

Doctors at a Wichita hospital where Babcock was taken told McFarren that an infection in her legs had damaged her nerves and could leave her in a wheelchair. She was still at the hospital Wednesday night.

McFarren’s first court appearance will be in April, Crosswhite said.

"Actually, Fidel Castro is the world's most powerful socialist not living in Malibu." -- Jay Leno

Rupert Murdoch Buys 'The Atlantic'

Actually, that's the only reason I can think of as to why Britney Spears would be "gracing" the cover of the April 2008 issue of The Atlantic.

Okay, so it's an article about "the new paparazzi" - that's okay, it's from an intellectual standpoint.

I'm anticipating that the May issue will have a serializiation of Lynne Spears' book, an advice column by Dr. Phil, and an essay on ethics by Tom Delay.

Rupert Murdoch would be proud.

I'm hoping The New Republic isn't next.

"No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." -- H.L. Mencken

Parachuting Cats in Borneo: Unintended Consequences

Each of us has our favorite example of the Law of Unintended Consequences. Someone has a seemingly great idea or scheme, implements it, and presto! Something totally unexpected, and often counterproductive, occurs. Campanastan itself is replete with such examples.

I heard a good one at a meeting in Reno last week, and if not the best example I've encountered, it ranks near the top of my list.  Kathleen Clarke, Assistant Commissioner for Policy and Planning, Utah Department of Agriculture and Food, told this tale of woe in Borneo in the 1950s.

On page 6 of this publication you can find a reference.

Seems a number of villages in Borneo were experiencing disastrous outbreaks of malaria. The World Health Organization (WHO) was summoned, and its best minds decided that the mosquito breeding grounds should be sprayed with DDT. Nothing unusual about that.

Well, after a while, the DDT proved quite effective, and malaria rates plummeted. But some other things soon appeared. The locals' thatch roofs started collapsing, and the people became afflicted by the plague and typhus fever.

WHO returned to try to ascertain the causes. Guess what? All were the result of the DDT treatment. Not only did the pesticide kill the mosquitoes, but also a species of wasp that preyed upon the caterpillars that ate the thatch roofs. So when the wasps started dying, the caterpillar population skyrocketed, and the villagers' roofs became weakened and many ultimately collapsed.

The new diseases? Well, geckos ate the dying and dead wasps, and themselves started dying from DDT poisoning. The cats ate the geckos and they, too, started dying. So the rat population, kept in check by the cats, exploded, as did the rats' fleas, who transmitted the plague and typhus fever.

WHO's solution? They parachuted 14,000 cats into the villages.

At least they proved Garrison Keillor wrong...

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose." -- Garrison Keillor   

Princeton Premier Taps Campanastan!

Imagine my surprise! As if it wasn't an honor to be tapped by both Cambridge Who's Who and Madison Who's Who (who didn't even know my name but just sent an "blast" email) I now have another prestigious solicitation from Princeton Premier. No doubt they want a head-of-state among their ranks.

My late mother would be so happy - I am finally being tapped by Princeton! The best I could do forty years ago was to make the waiting list. Unfortunately, this "Princeton" is in Astoria, NY, in the magnificent borough of Queens (think George Costanza from Seinfeld, the TV shows King of Queens, All in the Family, etc.) .

Here's my personalized invitation:

Michael Campana, 

It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion into
the 2008-2009 Princeton Premier Business Leaders and Professionals "Honors
Edition" section of the Registry.

The 2008 / 2009 edition of the Registry will include biographies of the world's
most accomplished individuals. Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by
thousands of executives and professionals throughout the world each year.
Inclusion is considered by many [Many what? Morons?] as the single highest mark of achievement.

You may access our application form using the following link:

http://app.formassembly.com/forms/view/3366

Upon final confirmation, you will be listed among other accomplished individuals
in the Princeton Premier Registry.

For accuracy and publication deadlines, please complete your application form
and return it to us within five business days. There is no cost to be included
in the Registry [But I'm sure there are some costs incurred somewhere].

On behalf of the Managing Director, we wish you continued success.

Sincerely,

Jason Harris

Managing Director
Princeton Premier

This email was sent to acjf@acjfoundation.org, by
Princeton Premier
www.princetonpremierbios.com
23-35a Steinway Street
Astoria, NY 11105 United States

No, the picture of "Global Woman" was not included. I got it from the WWW site. I guess she is supposed to entice me into joining. Actually, she may be comely, but kind of a slob. Did anyone tell her to tuck in her blouse? And maybe she should button her blouse while she's at it.

Don't wait for your invitation - apply now!

Me? I think I'll pass;  I'm waiting for Harvard Who's Who.

"The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it." -- Laurence J. Peter

Take One of These Courses and Get Your Degree from the University of P.O. Box 2000!

Okay, I am dating myself. Today, you don't get your bogus degrees from some school with a P.O. Box but from some place with a name like www.universityofPOBox2000.com.

So I was entertained when I stumbled across this from Amy S. Quinn at www.collegedegree.com: a list of the Top 25 Strangest College Courses.

I won't go through them all, just some of the more amusing, or ridiculous, in no particular order.

The Phallus, a course at Occidental College, one of the USA's best small schools. Obviously, not a course for weenies.

Queer Musicology, from UCLA. What can I say? Nothing is probably best.

Finding Dates Worth Keeping, at the University of Sioux Falls. Huh? Laurie Chaplin is the instructor, and part-time bartender. Actually, the university is a Christian one, so I don't think this course is some hedonistic romp through academia.

The Art of Walking, at Centre College in Danville, KY. This isn't as bogus as it sounds: it's about Immanuel Kant.

Learning From YouTube, at Pitzer College in Claremont, CA.  Students watch YouTube videos, discuss them, and leave comments on them. But this is not just some "gut" course; it's all done under the tutelage of Professor Alexandra Juhasz.

Maple Syrup: The Real Thing, at Alfred University. How sweet! This course is in the Honors Program, along with The Good, the Bad and the Revolting; Tightwaddery, or the Good Life on a Dollar a Day (one of the Top 25). But there is also a course entitled Water Treatment Solutions for Undervedeveloped Countries, which sounds damn good.

The Evolution of Low Brow: Modern Popular Arts at Canada's School of Interactive Art and Technology. Guest lecturers incude: Britney, Lynne, and Jamie Lynn Spears, Jerry Springer, Lindsay Lohan, Rupert Murdoch, Dr. Phil, Fred Thompson, and Paris Hilton.

American Golf: Aristocratic Pastime or People's Game? at Carnegie Mellon. Students have the option of taking this course, which attempts to turn the study of golf history into "a legitimate academic subject," according to The Princeton Review's report. Uh-huh.

Philosophy and Star Trek at Georgetown University. St. Ignatius Loyola must be spinning in his grave, seeing what his Jesuits have wrought. Actually, this course sounds pretty interesting. From the description: "This course is basically an introduction to certain topics in metaphysics and epistemology philosophy, centered around major philosophical questions that come up again and again in Star Trek." Heck, I'd like to register.

I've had fun with these, but since I am a long-time academic, I know enough not to judge a course merely by its title. College students face many choices, and since departmental budgets are often based on the "numbers", you often need to come up with a catchy course title so the students will give your course a second look. 

Enjoy!

"Academic arguments are the bitterest because the stakes are the lowest." -- Unknown

Super Tuesday Stupor

It must have been the excitement of the Super Bowl.

Yesterday afternoon my wife Mary Frances received a call from a Barack Obama worker urging her to vote in Tuesday's primary and telling her that her voting place is the Washington Middle School. There are two things wrong with this:

1. Oregon's primary is not till May; and
2. all voting in Oregon is by mail ballot only.

What must have happened is that they were looking at her old New Mexico voter registration (almost two years old) but called our Oregon number (hey, it could have been a cell number with an Oregon area code). Obama and Clinton are apprently targeting Hispanics in New Mexico and other states, and Mary Frances and I are often mistaken for Hispanics because of our last name. Go figure. 

I am expecting my call today. En español, no doubt.

"An armed society is a polite society." -- Robert A. Heinlein

Suckcessories and Demotivators

In Campanastan few things are banned outright. An exception to this rule is the Successories product line, primarily the "inspirational" prints, calendars, planners, and other "motivational" products.

Here's one extolling "teamwork", with the inspirational quote, "With a clear vision and room to run, the true power of the tem is unleashed." Only $84.99!

Pul-leeeze....

Then we have "Opportunity: Create a path where there is none. A world of possibilities lies ahead." This one is a steal at only $134.99

So in Campanastan it is a crime to display these in public or even possess one. Those caught with intent to sell or distribute are treated harshly, usually exiled to Zimbabwe or Arkansas.

But now we have "Demotivators" ("Increasing success by lowering expectations") from Despair.com (thanks to Jared from Waterblogged.info, who credits Despair.com with his salvation). Check these out:

Perfect for:

• the hubristic CEO who started your dot.com
• the venture partner who made him feel small
• the disaffected college student
• the class-action lawyer who's putting the squeeze on them
• the investment banker who made her feel objectified.

Now, how about this one:

Perfect for:

• Ensuring you get the last word
• Hostage negotiators
• Arab-Israeli conflcit mediators
• People who work for George Steinbrenner
• Diasaffected college students

And, finally....

Perfect for:

• HR people
• Disaffected college students
• College deans
• Mitt Romney staffers

There are plenty more when the above came from. Take a look.

Check out the Bittersweets - perfect Valentine sweets for that special person (ex-wife, boyfriend who dumped you, former boss, et al.). They come in three varieties: Dejected, Dumped, and Dysfunctional. Each heart-shaped piece has a special message, such as:

• We had plans
• Dork magnet
• Prenup okay?
• Booty 2 big
• Loss leader
• U left seat up
• No fix 4 dumb
• Sub prime
• Russian bride

Enjoy!

"It's always darkest before it goes completely black" -- Unknown

'Beltway Babble' Decoded

The Republic of Campanastan has its own peculiar language, but it's quite unlike the 'Beltway Babble' spoken in Washington, DC.

The current (January-February 2008) issue of The Atlantic has a great article by Dana Milbank, columnist for the The Washington Post. Milbank, shown here in his "hunting outfit' donned during Dick Cheney's hunting mishap (from Michelle Malkin's blog) does us all a service by providing common examples of "Potomac dialect" (or, "Beltway Babble") and their translations into ordinary American English.

I have great respect for the senior senator.
I am about to drill my elderly colleague a new one.

We have full confidence in his integrity.
We will cut him loose by nightfall.

I don't pay attention to the polls.
My job-approval rating is 32 percent.

I had some gals come over to the condo to give me a massage.
I paid for sex.

When we have something to announce, we'll annnounce it.
We know the answer, but we're not going to tell you.

Frankly...
The following statement is false.

You are either with us or against us.
You are against us.

We identified weapons of mass destruction-related program activities.
We could not find any weapons of mass destruction.

I hope we can work together in a bipartisan way.
I need to pick off one senator from the other party to pass this bill.

The president has always said...
The president is announcing a new position.

I don't know how to get you to get it through your heads that it's not new.
I am disappointed that you noticed that I switched positions.

I am the decider.
My authority is in question.

I am a commander guy.
My authority is all but gone.

This should not be a political issue.
My party has a winning political issue.

It's time to stop playing politics.
The other party has a winning political issue.

As I said in my Wall Street Journal op-ed last week...
I am so important that I can quote myself.

Pockets of dead-enders are trying to reconstititute.
The enemy is winning.

They're in the last throes, if you will.
The enemy has won.

Thank you for the very frank and candid discussion.
You just spit in my eye.

As long as needed and not one day longer.
We have no idea how long this will take.

War is my last choice.
The bombing begins in three weeks.

The American people don't want open-ended fishing expeditions.
A member of my party is being investigated for wrongdoing.

Congress must fulfill its constitutional oversight obligation
A member of the other party is being investigated for wrongdoing.

I will continue to do the people's business.
I expect to be indicted.

And here is my special Whiskey Tango Foxtrot award:

"In light of what  is happening in Pakistan it ought to give us pause as to why are so many illegals coming across these borders." -- Gov. Mike Huckabee, Associated Press, 28 December 2007, quoted in The Economist, 5 January 2008

The Bush Legacy Tour Rolls on: UAE, "Model Muslim State"

The Bush '08 Legacy Tour rolls on, stopping briefly in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) to give them a gentle prod about democracy and to castigate the Iranians. Next stop: our good buddies in Saudi Arabia.

President Bush also congratulated the Emirati for having a "model Muslim state that is tolerant towards people of other faiths."  Upon hearing that, my first thought was: "WTF?" But then I remembered that this is the Middle East, where "model Muslim state" means they don't let their children become suicide bombers until they reach the age of consent (12).

So I looked up the UAE to see which of its qualities could make it a "model Muslim state".

• Women and men are treated alike when it comes to suffrage: there is none;
• Very young foreign boys are used as camel jockeys and routinely physically and sexually abused;
• Emirati are tolerant towards other religions because if they weren't, there would be no one to do their work: only about 20% if the UAE's residents are citizens; many of the other residents are South Asians and other Arabs who are imported to do work (90% of the workforce);
• Foreign workers have limited rights;
• Homosexual acts are illegal and punishable by death;
• Freedom of speech and press, nominally guaranteed by the UAE constitution, are very limited in practice - criticism of the government, Islam, and the ruling clans is punishable by imprisonment; and
• The country is governed by ruling clans.

I could go on, but you get the point: "model Muslim state" is a relative term.

On a more positive (?) note, Dubai City ("Doo-buy") is the upscale shopping mall and playground of the Middle East.

I visited there six years ago to attend a water conference  sponsored by the ruling sheik of Dubai (one of the seven emirates). As a member of the conference committee I was "comped" by the sheikh's "people", and stayed at the lush Jumeirah Beach Hotel, next to the ultra-opulent Burj al-Arab, a hotel reputed to be the best/most expensive in the world (in 2002 there were suites that cost US$18,000 per night). The hotel occupied its own island.

The Burj al-Arab is supposed to be the tallest (c. 1,053 feet) resort hotel in the world, and was built to resemble a sail. The locals called it "the cockroach".

My hotel (see below), mimicking a wave, was cheaper: my room was a paltry US$ 800 per night. Everything was comped, except for alcohol and the ubiquitous Russian hookers in the bars.

I had a funny experience at the conference banquet, which happened to be on Super Bowl Eve.  I was seated among my Arab hosts, who were wearing traditional garb and talking to each other in rapid-fire Arabic. Suddenly, one of them turned to me, and said, in perfect English, "So, who's going to win the Super Bowl? My money's on New England." Turns out he had received his PhD in civil engineering at Northeastern University in Boston and loved American football. I wondered how much money he really did have on New England.

Dubai International Airport, now one of the world's busiest, was really an upscale shopping mall that just happened to have planes coming and going. In the departure lounge you could buy just about anything you wanted, living or inanimate. The gold bars (1, 2, and 5 kilogram sizes) stacked at a kiosk, made the biggest impression on me. I bought a Cadbury chocolate bar.

Our hosts were extremely gracious. When I told them that I would gladly take a taxi to catch my 3 AM departure flight, they would have none of that. One of them picked me up in a Mercedes limo with a driver, who personally escorted me through customs and immigration. He said something to each group of officials and soldiers we encountered, and that invariably produced handshakes, greetings, and an immediate stamp in my passport. They wanted to get me to the departure lounge ASAP so I would have more time to buy stuff.

Yes, the UAE is a "model Muslim state" all right. Then I remembered our futile effort to craft a conference declaration that would affirm women as being equal to men as stakeholders in water projects and the mangement of water resources. Our hosts transformed themselves. Did we ever get pushback. Oh, boy.

Today is the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He would have been 79. Spend a moment thinking of his legacy and what it has meant to the USA. 

"I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well. -- President George W. Bush, 29 January 2001

Support the Environment: Toss Your Prius, Buy a Hummer?

The Campanastan Ministry of Transportation thought this post would be informative, although it falls under the aegis of "old news". But we're kind of slow out here in the hinterlands, where Hummers are the "official state vehicle".

I was just perusing the Pacific Institute's WWW site and stumbled across this Prius vs. Hummer H3 "debate" about which vehicle has a lower life-cycle energy cost. Now, think hard - this is not a trick question.

If you answered "Hummer H3", you are correct, according to a report by CNW Marketing Research, Inc.

Here is what Dr. Peter Gleick of the Pacific Institute wrote about the CNW report:

The CNW Marketing Research, Inc.’s 2007 “Dust to Dust: The Energy Cost of New Vehicles From Concept to Disposal” caught the interest of the media and the public with its claim that a Hummer H3 SUV has a lower life-cycle energy cost than a Toyota Prius hybrid. Closer inspection suggests that the report’s conclusions rely on faulty methods of analysis, untenable assumptions, selective use and presentation of data, and a complete lack of peer review. Even the most cursory look reveals serious biases and flaws: the average Hummer H1 is assumed to travel 379,000 miles and last for 35 years, while the average Prius is assumed to last only 109,000 miles over less than 12 years. These selective and unsupported assumptions distort the final results. A quick re-analysis with peer-reviewed data leads to completely opposite conclusions: the life-cycle energy requirements of hybrids and smaller cars are far lower than Hummers and other large SUVs. CNW should either release its full report, including methods, assumptions, and data, or the public should ignore its conclusions. Unfortunately, “Dust to Dust” has already distorted the public debate.

Here is a link the original report. Below I have posted the Pacific Institute's response to the report, and CNW's response to the Institute's response.

Download pac_inst_hummer_vs_prius.pdf

Download cnw_response_to_pacific_institute.pdf 

"For years, I thought that what was good for our country was good for General Motors, and vice versa." -- Charles E. "Engine Charlie" Wilson, CEO of General Motors, and U.S. Secretary of Defense, during U.S. Senate confirmation hearings, 1953

NASA = Neglecting Air Safety for All

The Republic of Campanastan's Ministry of Transportation, with the help of USA Today, has learned that our good friends at NASA, ever willing to supply information to the taxpayers who support them, has "begrudgingly" released some of the air safety report that has been in the news recently.

Initially, NASA said it would not publicly release the results of the $11.3M study because of concerns it would "upset travelers and hurt airline profits". The agency came in for harsh criticism from Congress, the news media, and the public for its recalcitrance.

What a bunch of ingrates we all are!  A Federal agency, especially one with such a sterling reputation as NASA's,  is concerned about worrying us and we throw it back in its face.

Golly gee guys, thanks so much.

Here's a link to the NASA report. But before you rush off to read it, here are some salient passages from the USA Today article by Rita Beamish.

It published the findings in a format that made it cumbersome for any thorough analysis by outsiders. Released on New Year's Eve, the unprecedented research conducted over nearly four years relates to safety problems identified by some 29,000 pilots interviewed by telephone.

NASA did not provide documentation on how to use its data, nor did it provide keys to unlock the cryptic codes used in the dataset.

Here's what NASA Administrator Michael Griffin had to say in the article:

"We've gone the extra mile with this data, and well beyond our original intentions," Griffin said.

He dismissed suggestions that NASA chose to release the data late on New Year's Eve, when the public is distracted by holidays and news organizations are thinly staffed.

"We didn't deliberately choose to release on the slowest news day of the year," Griffin said.

Here is an article from the Christian Science Monitor.

Not only is Griffin trying to put the best possible spin on yet another NASA SNAFU, but he's also insulting our intelligence. 

Griffin claims the study is flawed, and that may be the case. He has agreed to allow the National Academies of Science (NAS) to examine the data and the study's design. Finally, a good idea.

"If there is a way to delay an important decision, the good bureaucrat, public or private, will find a way." -- Unknown

I've Just Been Nominated (or Something) to Madison Who's Who!

Almost a year ago I posted an item about being considered for Cambridge Who's Who, an outfit located in the NYC suburban Mecca of Uniondale, NY. But alas, I turned them down and have heard nary a word from them since then. My chance for immortality and another useless registry went down the drain for good.

So my heart leapt with joy when I heard from Madison Who's Who, located in one of New York City's classiest enclaves, Long Island City. But these guys emailed me, addressing the invitation to "Dear Candidate". Made me feel real special, just like the other umpteen thousand who got the same email. They even sent it to an old email address, one I have not used much the past 18 months. At least Cambridge Who's Who  sent a snail-mail invitation addressed specifically to me.

How was this great honor transmitted to me? As the following email; comments in italics are mine.

*********************

Dear Candidate,

You were recently appointed as a biographical candidate [Hmmm. A biographical candidate? Are there other kinds?] to represent your industry in the Madison Who's Who Among Executives and Professionals, and for inclusion into the upcoming 2007-2008 "Honors Edition" [Oh, boy! An additional incentive!] of the registry.

We are pleased to inform you that on December 27th, your candidacy was
approved.  Your confirmation for inclusion will be effective within five
business days, pending our receipt of the enclosed application.

The Office of the Managing Director appoints individuals based on a
candidate's current position, and usually with information obtained from
researched executive and professional listings. [Then why didn't you have my correct email address, or even my name?.]  The director thinks you
may make an interesting biographical subject, as individual achievement is
what Madison Who's Who is all about. [How could you know about my individual achievement?]  Upon final confirmation you will be listed among thousands of accomplished individuals in the Madison Who's Who Registry.  There is no cost to be included. [So how do you guys make money? By selling me a desk copy of the registry?]

We do require additional information to complete the selection process and
kindly ask that you access this form on our website at:

www.mwwpublishing.com/basiclisting

Sincerely,

Matthew Johnson
Managing Director

Madison Who's Who is not associated or affiliated with Marquis Who's Who or any other Who's Who.
30-01 Northern Blvd. Long Island City, NY, 11101

***************

Okay, I went to the online application. All the information they wanted was the type they should have already had: name, address, phone, email, company, title, affiliations, industry, specialization. Nothing about my accomplishments. So my candidacy presumably was approved without knowing any of the above - maybe my name, but that's not for certain since they did not bother to address me by name.

So to select me based upon my individual achievements all I have to do is provide some basic information. That's it? 

Should you get a solicitation from these folks, you might want to poke around on the WWW. I found a complaint from Theresa and another one, too. Theresa mentions costs involved.

Just remember that an anonymous invitation from an organization that apparently sends them out without researching the invitees can't be a very special invitation at all.

Caveat emptor.

"Any organization is much like a septic tank; the really big chunks float to the top." -- Unknown

Lynne Spears' Parenting Book, Pulitzer Prize on Hold

Lynne Spears, budding humorist and ersatz mother of Britney and 16-year-old "mother-to-be" Jamie Lynn, learned that her parenting book, Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, has been put on "indefinite hold" by her publisher, Thomas Nelson, of Tennessee. 

Actually, I think "infinite hold" is more appropriate.

Here is an article about the book's delay from Newsday. The picture is from the article.

Spears' book, which was to have "faith elements" (what kind of "faith"?) in it, was slated to be released on Mother's Day 2008. Thomas Nelson is a Christian publishing company based in Tennessee.

A company spokesman did not give a reason for the decision, but let me guess: her older daughter's a mess and her 16-year-old younger daughter just announced she is three months' pregnant.

Hmm....that might put the birth near Mother's Day. That would be a nice present for Grandma Lynne.

Spears' comments, upon learning of her younger daughter's pregnancy, were that Jamie Lynn had been "always conscientious" (about what?) and "never violated curfew".

My gosh - how did she get pregnant? Parthenogenesis, perhaps?

Lynne Spears' publicist, Ima Shill, noted that Spears was initially distraught because this meant "her book would miss the 2008 Pulitzer Prize nomination deadline" but that she is now okay with the decision because "she wants to spend more time with her family" and seek counsel from Dina Lohan, Lindsay's mother, who "has the wisdom and pharmaceuticals to deal with these things."

Shill noted that talks are underway to publish Spears' book in Russia and the former Soviet republics. Publishing magnate Y. Nott "Jack" Adogoff is personally negotiating the deal with Spears' legal representative, Dewey Screwum, who noted that Russian men are quite enamored of Spears, who finished third behind daughter Britney and comedienne-Botox spokeswoman Joan Rivers in this year's annual MILF awards.

Hugh G. Rection, a spokesman for Columbia University,which awards the Pulitzer Prizes, said that there was no problem with the delay and that they would gladly consider Spears' book in the fiction category whenever she decides to publish it.

"We know the Spears family, particularly the parents. An asset that Britney and Jamie Lynn both have is a great and dedicated mother." -- Dr. Phil McGraw to People.com, after learning of Jamie Lynn's pregnancy

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." -- Steven Wright

Three-For-One: 'Backwards Bush' Hits 399, Mike Huckabee, and Afghanistan's Wheels

My Backwards Bush timer is now down to 399 days! We've come a long way, but still have a long way to go.

Mike Huckabee, who now appears to be the frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination, was asked, if elected president, would he use President George W. Bush as a roving ambassador. Note that "ambassador to what" was not specified.

Huckabee deflected the question nicely by saying that he thought Bush "really wanted to go back to Texas." Good place for him, too.

Speaking of stupid things, our government has finally admitted that the wheels are falling off in Afghanistan (not that they were on all that well). The Taliban is ascendant, the country is reclaiming its mantle as the world's premier narco-state, and the Karzai government is as feckless and venal as ever. This year will be the most violent one since 2002. Of course, it's all the fault of those Euro-wusses.

Recall that Afghanistan was the locale of the real "War on Terror" (and rightfully so) until we decided that we had done our job and could move to Iraq, where we wanted to test the "flypaper hypothesis": to fight terrorism, start a war in Iraq so that all the terrorists will flock there, where we can easily kill them all.

Too bad we didn't check with the Russians and the British about Afghanistan.

"I think that's a good idea." -- Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach John McKay, in the throes of the 1976 winless season, when asked about his team's execution.

Airline Food Is Gone, But Not Forgotten: We're Still Complaining

Airline food. It's something all we flyers love to complain about.  Oh, it can be baaadddd.

I bring this up because there was an interesting letter from a long-time airline employee in today's New York Times (it was originally published on the paper's WWW site). He said that one constant he's noticed in all his years is that passengers complain most about the food. He didn't really argue with the premise that airline food is bad. How many times have you bitten into "mystery meat", or worse?

But something passengers now do has him completely baffled. Since many airlines have dispensed with free "meals", save for non-alcoholic drinks and snacks, passengers are complaining about the lack of meals and clamoring for them.

One respondent to that letter (originally submitted to the NYT's WWW site) said that he didn't expect the airline to serve good meals, just that they get him to his destination in a reasonable amount of time. As he succinctly stated, why should anyone expect American Airlines to produce a good omelet at 30,000 feet when many diners can't do it at sea level?

I agree. It's easy to find fault with airlines these days, but if I am flying coach class I don't expect them to feed me anything but a snack (peanuts, crackers) and a soft drink. That's it.

Keep the "hockey-puck" sandwiches.

"I love God; it's His fan club I can't stand." -- bumper sticker seen in Corvallis, OR

'Iron Mike' Ditka Punts

USA Today reports that Mike Ditka, suffering from criticism that his foundation to benefit retired NFL players spent just $57,000 out of the total proceeds of $1,300,000 on the players, announced that he was dissolving his foundation. The story is by Richard Willing, who wrote the original piece. I also posted on this a few days ago.

Ditka also announced that he will split the fund's remaining $600,000 between two charities: Misericordia, a Catholic home for people with developmental disbilities; and 2) Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund (GGAF), a Green Bay, WI, charity founded by former Green Bay Packer star Jerry Kramer that also helps ex-players.

One immediate question was posed by David Borochoff, president of the American Institute of Philanthropy (AIP), a charity watchdog group: Why isn't Ditka giving all the proceeds to the Gridiron Greats fund, since it has the same aims as his fund? People who financially supported Ditka's fund presumably were doing so to help retired NFL players, not a charity like Misericordia. As Borochoff suggested, this split of the proceeds would seem to imply that the needs of retired players were not as great as Ditka has claimed.

Nice punt, Mike.

"You're never a loser until you quit trying." -- Mike Ditka

The New 'Great Game': OSCE Gives Kazakhstan a Pass

Seven years ago I didn't know OSCE (Organization for Security and Co-Operation in Europe) from my left foot. After I started working in the South Caucasus and did a sabbatical with IAEA in Vienna (where OSCE is headquartered) I learned of OSCE's amazing and courageous work in Eastern Europe and the former Soviet republics in the South Caucasus and Central Asia. It's an organization of 56 member states (including the USA) dedicated to security and nation-building.

I had the pleasure and honor of attending an OSCE field workers' retreat in Austria. It was a revelation. The work done by the (mostly young) field personnel involved nation-building, civil society development, elections and human rights monitoring, protection of vulnerable people, economic and environmental reconstruction, etc. At the time of the retreat (fall 2002) the former Yugoslavia was on the radar screen and a roiling cauldron of hatred. One of the field people told me that the local disgruntled Serbs said that "OSCE" stood for "Oh Shit, Controlling our Elections." One young woman told of her efforts to protect 1,000 young Albanians from being victimized by the ubiquitous "blood feuds".  One worker related how the acronym of the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia - "FRY" - was an apt description of how your nerves were after serving there for a year.

The retreat leader told me that OSCE is in a true dilemma: if it's doing its job, you don't hear about it, so it's hard to garner support. If you hear about OSCE a lot, then it is probably not doing its job very well.

So why this post? Well, I was dismayed to read a story in the 8 December 2007 issue of The Economist that said OSCE had awarded its rotating chairmanship position in 2010 to Kazakhstan. Given Kazakhstan's autocratic leader Nursultan Nazarbayev's penchant for muzzling (or worse) his opposition this indeed seems like an odd move.

But OSCE is no doubt according this honor to Kazakhstan to keep Nazarbayev (and  all his oil, gas, coal, uranium, etc.) from closer ties to Russia and China. It's the 21st century version of 'The Great Game' but this time the stakes are much higher.

I understand that idealism must often defer to reality, but it's sad to see a noble group like OSCE compromise to this degree. Nazarbayev is one of those old-line Communist leaders who "found democracy" when the Soviet Union collapsed.

Could this honor effect some human-rights improvements in Kazakhstan by 2010? Maybe Nazarbayev will rise to the occasion, call for totally free elections with OSCE monitors, release his opponents from prison, and decree that a free press is sacrosanct.

Naahhhh......

"When the fox preaches, turn to the geese." -- old German proverb

'Iron Mike' Ditka: Penalized for Holding

'Iron Mike' Ditka, NFL Hall of Fame tight end, shown here with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell (photo by Win McNamee, courtesy USA Today) has recently crusaded for better treatment for retired NFL players, some of whom are injured or live on next to nothing. He excoriated the NFL Players' Union for treating injured and needy ex-players "like dogs" and even testified before Congress.

And like the 'man of action' he appears to be, Ditka even went so far as to found a charity, the Mike Ditka Hall of Fame Assistance Trust Fund, to aid needy players. Great, Mike - putting your money where your mouth is. The fund has since raised $1.3 million. Not bad, eh? Well, not really.

It turns out that Mike's charity has netted only $315,000 after  expenses, or about 24%. That's pathetic, and what's worse, it has given only $57,000 to needy ex-players, or less than 5% than the total amount realized. In fact, the fund has awarded more in honoraria - $65,000 - to ex-stars to play in Mike's celebrity golf tournament, which the fund used as a money-raiser. The Chicago firm that organized the tournaments was paid $280,000.

Mike claims that it's hard finding needy players and getting them to fill out forms. Pretty lame excuse!

Ditka says he's been working to set things right, and will pledge to give away 50% of the tournament's proceeds. Let's hope so. Till he comes through, he might want to refrain from criticizing the NFL and the Players' Union, whose charities have awarded about $1.1 milion between 2000 and 2005.  Until that time, 'Iron Mike' is in my Hall of Shame.

You can read more in USA Today, where the story appeared on 6 December 2007.

Here is another take on the USA Today story.

"There are two kinds of people: those who make commitments and those who keep them." -- John Adams

Khartoum Kakistocrats: Kafkaesque Kaper Kontinues

Those lovable Khartoum Kakistocrats have decided that British primary school teacher Gillian Gibbons is indeed guilty of insulting Islam by allowing her class to name a teddy bear Muhammad. Her sentence: 15 days in prison, plus deportation. She could have received up to 6 months in prison and forty lashes.

Some demonstrators in Khartoum are calling for her execution (see this New York Times article). The article said that many of the demonstrators were government employees who were told to demonstrate.

"Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

Commit Genocide, But Don't Let Them Name a Teddy Bear 'Muhammad'

You gotta admire the chutzpah of the Sudanese government. Yes, the boys in Khartoum are back at it. Besides killing 200,000+ of their Darfur citizens in what many call a genocide, they recently charged a British primary school teacher at an exclusive private school with blasphemy, inciting hatred, and insulting Islam. Her crime? She let her 7-year-old students name a teddy bear after the Prophet Muhammad.

Wonderful, guys.  Commit genocide, encourage raping and pillaging, but charge Gillian Gibbons for letting her students, who voted 'Yes' resoundingly, name the bear after the Prophet. Why not charge the students, many of whom are Muslim and the children of wealthy Sudanese elite and foreign diplomats?

Pundits suggest that this act may be retaliation against "anti-Islamic" Western governments who have been pressuring the Sudanese government to permit peacerkeepers in Darfur. So far, Khartoum has so far resisted.

Note that Gibbons will have to prove her "innocence"; the government does not have to prove she's guilty.

Glad they view criminals the same way we do.

"The good news is that the Sudanese government is beginning to release opposition supporters. The bad news is that they are releasing them into lion cages." 

Illegal Mingling! Guilty as Charged! 200 Lashes!

Our good buddies in the Middle East, the Saudis, are at it again.

The Saudis, who supplied 15 of the 19 9/11 terrorists, have meted out some cruel and unusual punishment to a 19-year-old Shia woman (the Saudis are predominantly Sunni Muslims) who was found guilty of 'illegal mingling': sitting in a car with a man to whom she was unrelated.

It's not bad enough that seven men came by and gang-raped the young woman and her companion. Saudi law decreed that she be sentenced to 200 lashes and 6 months' imprisonment. Keep in mind that the punishment was decreed by law, not by some vigilante group. 

I wonder what her family will do to her, since she no doubt committed an "honor crime", having besmirched the "good name" of her family. Maybe her father, uncles, brothers, or male cousins will kill her. Seems reasonable, right? After all, the slut had the nerve to be gang-raped! Imagine!

It's not just the Saudis who do this kind of stuff; I just like to pick on them. This kind of treatment of women is not uncommon, especially in places where Sharia (Islamic religious law) is strictly followed. Remember the Taliban in Afghanistan?

Remind me to vomit the next time I hear someone (especially a woman) tell me how well women are treated in Saudi Arabia.

"Puritanism: the haunting fear that somewhere,  some people may be enjoying themselves." -- H.L. Mencken

Welcome to T. Boone Pickens State University

While channel-surfing early this morning, I stumbled upon Bryant Gumbel's HBO show, Real Sports. What caused me to pause and watch was a piece by correspondent Bernard Goldberg about mogul T. Boone Pickens (also see his WWW site), who recently gave $165M for athletics to his alma mater, Oklahoma State University (OSU) in Stillwater, OK. His investment firm has since turned that into $300M. His objective is to upgrade the athletic program, especially football.

Pickens, 79, is an interesting guy - a real down-home Oklahoman who built Mesa Petroleum and has now branched into water purveying and capital management. He was also one of the financial backers of the Swift Boat Veterans For Truth (SBVT), the group that trashed John Kerry in 2004. Pickens is worth over $1B.

I met him a few years ago when I invited him to be the keynote speaker at our inaugural Ground Water Summit in San Antonio. He seemed like a nice guy ("Call me Boone, son") who just happened to be worth a lot of money.

The Real Sports piece focused on the impact such a gift would have on the school in the context of the elite world of college athletics, and the whether or not it was a good thing.

The show explored the influence Pickens now has at OSU. The golf coach, a favorite of Pickens, was named athletic director. The work to refurbish the stadium, now Boone Pickens Stadium, was shown along with a recruiting video higlighting the (future) sumptuous new digs for athletes. Interestingly, the real quarters for the University of Oregon's (UO) athletes was also shown...can you spell L-U-X-U-R-Y?

Pickens admitted that he would have some say in the decision to hire a new football coach or even a new OSU President. "Some say" might be an understatement.

Goldberg spoke with a few faculty and students who were appalled at the gift's sole emphasis on sports. I suspect these "malcontents" are pariahs at OSU. Two students had even started a comic strip about "Boone State", occasionally depicting Pickens with two small horns atop his head. It would have been nice to have heard from some school administrators. But the usual mantra would have prevailed: better athletic teams equates to better students, more interest in the school, and more donations. 

Here at the OSU, Oregon State University, which has won the last two NCAA baseball championships, contributions, not solely to the athletic program, increased after each championship.

So if colleges need more money (which they do), maybe they should just open casinos. Is it right to have an elite caste of gladiators who entertain us and make money for the school, while receiving a pittance in return? Oh yeah, they get an "education".

In fairness to Pickens, it is his money to do with as he pleases, and he has endowed at least one (that I know of) academic program at OSU, the Boone Pickens School of Geology (his undergraduate degree is in geology). The piece never clarified whether Pickens sought all the influence he now has, but he really didn't need to seek it. If you gave my foundation $165M, you can bet I would grant you a "say" in matters, whether you asked for it or not! It's called "human nature".

I do not have a problem with intercollegiate athletics; what I do have a problem with is the "big-time aspect" of them, the million-dollar coaches ready to bolt for the next, even bigger, contract, and meddling by wealthy alums and boosters who get vicarious thrills hanging out with the athletes (sometimes contemptuously referred to as "jock sniffers"). And let's face it, the big-time programs serve as "farm teams" for the NBA and NFL, and, to a much lesser extent, MLB, and even the NHL.

A recent (20 November 2007) Op-Ed piece by Jonathan Zimmerman in the Christian Science Monitor discussed America's addiction to sports. It's a good read, as are the Letters to the Editor.

There can't be much joy in Booneville...err, Stillwater, today: the Cowboys were clobbered by in-state rival OU, 49-17. Looks like Boone needs to cough up some more dough.

Today's quotes were kindly provided by some OU Sooners (I  fabricated the second one).

Question: What do you get when you drive slowly through Stillwater, OK? Answer: A bachelor's degree from Oklahoma State University.

Question: What do you get when you walk slowly through Stillwater, OK? Answer: A PhD from Oklahoma State University.

Dictators We Have Known and Loved

This cartoon by Brian Barling appeared in the 19 November 2007 issue of the Christian Science Monitor. No words are necessary, except that Brian omitted a few: the Somoza clan (Nicaragua), Mobuto (Zaire), and Batista (Cuba).  There are no doubt others, too.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -- Edmund Burke

Cuba Libre? More SOS

Today's USA Today has a wonderful editorial about "revisiting" our failed policy on Cuba - our long-time embargo. We have been doing this for almost 50 years, and yet not much in Cuba has changed. So maybe it's time for a new approach.

But in a speech made last week by President Bush, it was the SOS - Same Old S**t.  Let's give it more time, folks, it's only been 50 years. Duhhhh... music to the ears of the powerful Cuban-American expatriate community in the USA.

I would hate to live in Cuba under Castro. It's a repressive regime run by el caudillo (Fidel or Raul, take your pick). The place is a shambles economically, but as the editorial correctly states Castro can conveniently blame his country's economic woes on the USA embargo. Castro's stature has actually been enhanced by our embargo, because he's seen as the David vs. our Goliath, the little guy who has survived for so long in our monstrous shadow without sucking up to us.

The sad thing is that after Castro gained power, he appealed to us for help, but we turned our back on him because of our ties to the overthrown Batista regime.

A rebuttal to the editorial was posted by Carlos Gutierrez, the Secretary of Commerce and a Cuban expatriate who was born in Havana and came here with his family in 1960. His editorial decries easing the embargo and offering support for such a repressive regime. And we have not supported, or currently support, repressive regimes? Duhhh....makes sense to me!

I sometimes think that Cuban-Americans are genetically predisposed to the line that Gutierrez spews. They can't help it. 

"Never try to teach a pig to talk. It will only waste your time and besides, it will annoy the pig." -- Anonymous

Ain't the Academy Wonderful!

Sometimes I wonder about my fellow academics. What planet are they on? A recent article in the 8 October 2007 The New Republic illustrates the basis for my wonderment.

You recall that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was invited to speak at Columbia University, despite his penchant for: stating his desire to destroy Israel; his views on homosexuality and the Holocaust; his country's "mischief" in Iraq, etc. In the vernacular, the guy's an all-around dickhead (pardon my crude language). But should he have been allowed to speak in the USA? By all means! We need to hear what he has to say, in person.

Switch to Larry Summers. You remember Larry Summers, right? He's the former Secretary of the Treasury and more recently, Harvard president. Summers was roundly vilified and ultimately forced to resign for suggesting (not stating categorically) that gender differences might have something to do with the dearth of female scientists, mathematicians, and engineers. He also lost points with many Harvard faculty members for "pushing" undergraduate education. [What? Undergraduate education? Here? At a American research university? My God, what's next? Elimination of big-time collegiate athletics?]

Anyway, Larry was scheduled to address the University of California Regents at a dinner in Sacramento. Some professors at UC-Davis got wind of this heinous affront to their sensibiltities and demanded that the Regents rescind their invitation.  Guess what? The Regents capitulated.

Whether you believe Summers is a jerk or not is not, or should not, be the issue.  Summers actually knows something about higher education, and the Regents should have heard what he had to say. But they suddenly lost their collective nerve.

The article noted with interest that when Summers received an honorary degree from Harvard last June, the graduating seniors and advanced degree recipients gave him ear-splitting applause. Perhaps they know something their mentors don't.

Regarding the fact that Ahmadinejad spoke and Summers couldn't, the article concluded, "...that Summers is the one deprived of a microphone tells you something is terribly amiss in the Amercian academy."

Amen!

"Whenever the cause of the people is entrusted to the professors, it is lost." -- Lenin

The Jena 6: Media Myths

Unless you've been living in a cave you've heard about the Jena 6. Protesting racial injustice, the Rev. Al 'Tawana Brawley' Sharpton and Rev. Jesse  'Hymietown' Jackson made their usual media appearances along with others, including New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. The Mayor probably decided to put in an appearance since there was enough of a crowd to protect him and Jena doesn't have a Hyatt in which he could hide.

The map (from Wikipedia)  shows Jena, just northeast of Alexandria. The town has about 3,000 residents.

In today's Christian Science Monitor, Craig Franklin, a journalist from Jena, has an Op-Ed piece 'Media myths about the Jena 6' disputing some of the commonly-held beliefs about the events surrounding the incident. There is also an audio clip with Franklin and Josh Burek of the CSM.

Franklin lists 12 myths about the Jena 6 incident. I am not going to post them all; you should read the article. But I will list several that really struck me.

Myth 1: The Whites-Only Tree. There has never been a "whites-only" tree at Jena High School. Students of all races sat underneath this tree. When a student asked during an assembly at the start of school last year if anyone could sit under the tree, it evoked laughter from everyone present – blacks and whites. As reported by students in the assembly, the question was asked to make a joke and to drag out the assembly and avoid class.

Myth 2: Nooses a Signal to Black Students. An investigation by school officials, police, and an FBI agent revealed the true motivation behind the placing of two nooses in the tree the day after the assembly. According to the expulsion committee, the crudely constructed nooses were not aimed at black students. Instead, they were understood to be a prank by three white students aimed at their fellow white friends, members of the school rodeo team. (The students apparently got the idea from watching episodes of "Lonesome Dove.") The committee further concluded that the three young teens had no knowledge that nooses symbolize the terrible legacy of the lynchings of countless blacks in American history. When informed of this history by school officials, they became visibly remorseful because they had many black friends. Another myth concerns their punishment, which was not a three-day suspension, but rather nine days at an alternative facility followed by two weeks of in-school suspension, Saturday detentions, attendance at Discipline Court, and evaluation by licensed mental-health professionals. The students who hung the nooses have not publicly come forward to give their version of events.

Some of you may find it hard to believe that white Southern high school students (Jena High School is shown) don't know the terrible symbolism of nooses to African-Americans (like showing a swastika to a Jew). My generation certainly knows what a heinous symbol this is. But shouldn't young people know? Well, I can't tell you how many times a college student student has asked me why "everyone hates Nixon", when he established the EPA, recognized the People's Republic of China, etc. They are unaware of his "dirty tricks", the Red-baiting, and the significance of Watergate and the ensuing cover-up. I've had students say, "Hey it was just a burglary. What's the big fuss?" 

Myth 3: The Schoolyard Fight. The event on Dec. 4, 2006 was consistently labeled a "schoolyard fight." But witnesses described something much more horrific. Several black students, including those now known as the Jena 6, barricaded an exit to the school's gym as they lay in wait for Justin Barker to exit. (It remains unclear why Mr. Barker was specifically targeted.)

When Barker tried to leave through another exit, court testimony indicates, he was hit from behind by Mychal Bell. Multiple witnesses confirmed that Barker was immediately knocked unconscious and lay on the floor defenseless as several other black students joined together to kick and stomp him, with most of the blows striking his head. Police speculate that the motivation for the attack was related to the racially charged fights that had occurred during the previous weekend.

It's a thought-provoking article.

“If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.” -- Mark Twain

18,401 Reasons Why I Love the USA

The Chinese government just shut down 18, 401 WWW sites. Some were apparently pornographic, but most were simply ones that allowed people to post their opinions. Post an opinion - what a novel concept!

Pundits speculated that the crackdown is related to next month's 17th Communist Party Congress, which likes to meet in the absence of criticism. There is hope that once the Congress is concluded, the crackdown will lift. But this current campaign seems more indiscriminate than past ones.

Ease up? Dream on...

These adorable little icons were what you saw when you tried to view a "forbidden" site before it was actually shut down. How cute!

Read about this in the 25 September 2007 Christian Science Monitor.

Let's hope this never happens in the USA!

And while I'm on the subject of the Internet, let's give credit where credit is due: without the USA government, specifically the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), we might not have the Internet.

Al Gore didn't invent it, but the USA came about as close to "inventing" the Internet as possible.

Note: the Chinese government shut down the TV show Supergirls, an American Idol-type show. The government also banned future talent shows from nationwide voting - apparently, they did not like the idea of people voting on a nationwide scale, if only for a talent show.

Make that 18,402 reasons why I love the USA.

“The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning, but without understanding.” -- Louis D. Brandeis

In Dutch With Oregon DMV: No Plates for YOU!

We tackle the important issues in Oregon. As proof, I offer this story, which I got from the Associated Press via MSNBC.

I think the "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld is alive and well in Oregon.

Oregon DMV Deems Family's Last Name Offensive, Bans Vanity License Plates

MERLIN, Ore. - The state of Oregon has ordered a family to turn in the vanity license plates on its cars because their Dutch last name, which is written on the plates, is similar to an offensive word.

The plates, UDINK1, UDINK2, and UDINK3 are on the vehicles of Mike and Shelly Udink and their son Kalei. Two of the plates are five and seven years old. One was issued last year.

Last summer, Kawika Udink's application for UDINK4 was rejected and the state ordered that the other three plates be returned.

"DINK has several derogatory meanings," Yvonne Bell, who sits on the Department of Motor Vehicles panel that approves vanity plates, told the Daily Courier newspaper.

DMV spokesman David House and Bell said the word can be treated as a verb, which gives it a sexual reference, and also can be a racial slur targeted at the Vietnamese.

House said the "U" in the front could be construed as "You."

The DMV denies requests for any combination of letters and numbers that may be viewed as objectionable, in any language, by use of phonetic, numeric or reverse spelling, or when viewed as a mirror image, or that would alarm or offend a reasonable person.

Intimate body parts or sexual or bodily functions are taboo, as are offensive references to race, color, gender, ethnic heritage, or national origin or to alcohol or drugs or paraphernalia.

The panel's ruling surprised Mike Udink, whose name is Dutch. He says it is a common last name in the Netherlands.

"Since when can a panel dictate whether your name's offensive or not?" asked Udink, a lineman for Pacific Power.

House said the state has the right to censor license plates, because the state owns them.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -- Albert Einstein