Campanastan

Scott McClellan to Endorse New Line of Sunbeam Wafflemakers

Scott McClellan, former White House Press Secretary whose book What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception has generated much controversy, has been selected by Sunbeam International to be the spokesman for its new line of upscale wafllemakers, the WafflePro.

The selection was announced today by McClellan's agent, Dewey Cheatham, and Hugh Jeego, spokesman for Sunbeam International.

"We are thrilled to have someone of Mr. McClellan's stature promote our new line of upscale wafflemakers, the WafflePro line", said Jeego, who continued: "We intend to remove the stigma attached to waffles - a food long associated with toothless, six-fingered, moronic, unkempt crackers from Georgia or Kentucky who consider Waffle House haute cuisine, or worse, Belgians." 

Jeego added that McClellan, whose Texas family includes some bona-fide crackers, is perhaps the best-known waffler of our time, even more so than George 'Slam Dunk' Tenet.

Agent Cheatham chimed in: "The American public will readily identify him as a waffler extraordinaire, and we expect sales of WafflePros to skyrocket because of Scott."  

Jeego also introduced the beginner model of the WafflePro, a microprocessor-controlled device that will "create the perfect waffle" each time for only $250. "Since McClellan is the 'perfect waffler' himself, we expect the product recognition to be huge," said Jeego.

More expensive versions will have built-in MP3 players, TVs, WiFi, and XM satellite radio receivers.

Cheatham added that McClellan's fees will be donated to a new nonprofit self-help group he has created, Wafflers Anonymous. Someone known only as 'George S.D.' has already become the first member.  

Czech President to Al Gore: 'Let's Debate Climate Change'

Friend Don Mahin sent me the link to the following article from The Earth Times. It's good.

Washington - Czech President Vaclav Klaus said Tuesday he is ready to debate Al Gore about global warming, as he presented the English version of his latest book that argues environmentalism poses a threat to basic human freedoms. "I many times tried to talk to have a public exchange of views with him, and he's not too much willing to make such a conversation," Klaus said. "So I'm ready to do it."

Klaus was speaking a the National Press Building in Washington to present his new book, Blue Planet in Green Shackles - What Is Endangered: Climate or Freedom?, before meeting with Vice President Dick Cheney Wednesday.

"My answer is it is our freedom and, I might add, and our prosperity," he said.

Gore, a former US vice president who has become a leading international voice in the cause against global warming, was co-winner of this year's Nobel Peace Prize. Gore's effort was highlighted by his Oscar winning documentary film An Inconvienent Truth.

Klaus, an economist, said he opposed the "climate alarmism" perpetuated by environmentalism trying to impose their ideals, comparing it to the decades of communist rule he experienced growing up in Soviet-dominated Czechoslovakia.

"Like their (communist) predecessors, they will be certain that they have the right to sacrifice man and his freedom to make their idea reality," he said.

"In the past, it was in the name of the Marxists or of the proletariat - this time, in the name of the planet," he added.

Klaus said a free market should be used to address environmental concerns and said he oppposed as unrealistic regulations or greenhouse gas capping systems designed to reduce the impact of climate change.

"It could be even true that we are now at a stage where mere facts, reason and truths are powerless in the face of the global warming propaganda," he said.

Klaus alleged that the global warming was being championed by scientists and other environmentalists whose careers and funding requires selling the public on global warming.

"It is in the hands of climatologists and other related scientists who are highly motivated to look in one direction only," Klaus said.

"If I listen, I have the advantage. If I speak, the others have it." --Anonymous

Campanastan's Armenia Report 4: Parev Zvartnots, and Hajogh, Armenia!

My last post from Armenia - visit WaterWired.

"One hand won't clap." -- Armenian proverb

South Caucasus River Monitoring Project: Water for Peace in a Strategic and Volatile Region

Check this post out at WaterWired. Explains why I've been in Georgia, Armenia, and Azerbaijan.

"Handguns are acceptable; semi-automatic weapons must be checked at reception." -- sign on the door of the Metechi Palace Hotel in Tbilisi, Georgia (the sign was removed when the hotel became a Sheraton)

Campanastan's Armenia Report 3: Lake Sevan, Churches, and Casinos

Here's another post - visit WaterWired and enjoy!

"If not for your tongue, the crows would have gouged out your eyes." -- Armenian proverb 

Campanastan's Armenia Report 2: Welcome to Yerevan and the Noosphere!

You can find this post on WaterWired. Enjoy!

"Thunder clouds do not always bring rain." -- Armenian proverb

Campanastan's Armenia Report 1: South Caucasus Legacy Tour '08 Rolls On

You'll find this enlightening report at WaterWired.

"The optimist learns English. The pessimist learns Chinese. The realist learns Kalashnikov." -- Dr. Armen Saghatelyan

Campanastan's Georgia Report: OWGs and MAWGs Galore!

You can view this post at WaterWired. Check out an old (2004) report as well. Enjoy!

"Every revolution evaporates, leaving behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy." -- Franz Kafka

Campanastan's Azerbaijan Report 3: Oil, Gas, the New Great Game, and the Silk Road Returns

You can find this report on my WaterWired blog. Enjoy!

"A wise enemy is better than a foolish friend." -- Azerbaijani proverb

Campanastan's Azerbaijan Report 2: Absheron Peninsula

Visit my WaterWired blog for this post.

"Shameful is not the one who doesn't know, but the one who doesn't ask." -- Azerbaijani proverb

Campanastan's Azerbaijan Report 1: First Impressions

For this post, visit my other blog, WaterWired.

"Intelligence is in the head, not in the age." -- Azerbaijani proverb

USAirways: Now Operating Lufthansa

So how do I know this, ahead of all the airline industry insiders? Experience, friends, experience.

As we departed the Frankfurt airport gate on 15 May 2008 to fly to Baku, Azerbaijan, the pilot came on the PA system as we hit the taxiway. In a slight German accent, he was embarrassed to admit that the plane had not been loaded with all the food nor any drinking water, so we had to return to the gate.

Like all commercial pilots everywhere, he was trained to utter the words all passengers ABHOR hearing: "Ladies and gentlemen, this will take only a few minutes and we will soon be en route to Baku."

Three hours later, we took off, and arrived in Baku after midnight instead of at 9 PM. Pity the poor souls who had to continue on to Ashgabat, the Turkmenistan capital - a bad enough destination even under the best of circumstances. Some of the crew members averted their eyes as we deplaned, and the pilot promised, "Lufthansa's normal high standard of service the next time you fly with us." 

As I left, the plane, I said to the head flight attendant, "So when did USAirways take you over?". She gave me a wan smile.

Or maybe it was Northwest.   

At the Frankfurt Airport, and Why Handguns Are Banned on Flights

I made it to the Frankfurt airport, where I now await my flight to Baku, Azerbaijan. The airport is shabbier than I remember it. But the men's rooms have been Sen. Larry Craig-proofed.

The security folks made TSA look efficient, and I had to go through two more checkpoints even though I disembarked from a secure flight and had no access to my checked baggage or other unsecured area.

The 10-hour flight from PDX  provided irrefutable evidence as to the need for: a continued ban on handguns for passengers; and family-only sections on all flights exceeding 10 minutes' duration.

I know - I just turned 60 and am becoming (??) a curmudgeon.

I sat on an aisle seat in the 4-seat middle row with a woman, her sweet daughter (about 5 or 6) and thoroughly obnoxious son (about 4, let's see if he reaches 5). When he wasn't throwing tantrums, he was kicking, waving his pencil around, spilling drinks, etc. The flight was full so there was no place else for me to go. I kept waiting for the large German man directly in front of him to turn around and glare at him, but I think he had had too many Heinekens. The boy did settle down after a while and a few glares from me. For safe measure I kept the earphones on, as I rediscovered the sheer ecstasy of Quiet Riot's Cum On Feel The Noize and its ability to shut out all other sounds.

When we landed in Frankfurt, the woman behind me said, "If I had been sitting there, he would have been dead by now."

Other than that, alles gut hier.

Bush Offers Mike Brown to Myanmar; Generals Say "Phuk U!"

In an unprecedented move to alleviate the suffering currently being endured by the Myanmar (Burmese) people and cement his credentials as a compassionate conservative, President George W. Bush offered the Myanmar ruling generals the services of Mike "Brownie" Brown as disaster-relief czar for the cyclone-ravaged country. Brown distinguished himself as the tough commissioner of Judges and Stewards in the rough-and-tumble world of the International Arabian Horse Association, now known as the Arabian Horse Association (AHA).

In making the offer, Mr. Bush stated that he had firsthand knowledge of Brown's qualifications, and said that the generals would be well advised to take him as manager of relief operations. "He'll do a heckuva job," gushed Bush, who added, "Don't misunderestimate Brownie. He knows which end is up."

At IAHA, Brown also oversaw the cleaning of stallions' sheaths at sanctioned stud farms. In that position, a former colleague, Ben Dover, stated, "Brownie always handled things really well. He was always on top, and knew his stuff. The stallions really liked him."

Brown's credentials as a disaster relief manager were honed at the City of Edmond, OK, where he was in charge of making sure the storm shelters were unlocked during severe weather. His former supervisor, J.D. "Craw" Dattie, mentioned that Brown "always handled things real well" and "knew where the keys were kept." He also brewed a "mean cup of java" according to Dattie, who was surprised to learn that Brown had left the position decades ago. "He was kind of quiet, " he recalled.

 

Brown received his undergraduate degree in horse servicing at the University of P.O. Box 2000 and his J.D. at the University of Penix.

He also served a brief stint as Director of FEMA, and has had some trouble finding work since then.

A spokesman for the ruling generals was quick to respond. U. R. Phuckt said, "The generals are quite satisified with the way things are going and do not need an American to come in and screw things up. The people are doing just fine, thank you very much."

Phuckt mentioned that the generals would really like DVDs and pictures of Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Jamie Lynn Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff, and Joan Rivers. What, no Paris Hilton? "Too skinny!" sneered Phuckt.   

After learning of Bush's offer and the generals' refusal, the Chinese official in charge of earthquake relief was quick to say to Bush, "Don't even think about it."

"Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." -- President George W. Bush, upon hearing that Mike Brown was awarded the Royal Society of Stallion Cleaners Golden Sheath award.

********************
Okay, fun time is over. The folks in Myanmar need our help now. The bozo generals will probably take credit for your donation, but we need to save lives. Give to you favorite charity. If you don't have one, try: Mercy Corps; Doctors Without Borders; Save The Children; and Episcopal Relief and Development.

"Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me." -- Matthew 25:40

The Big 6-0, AARP, My Seventh Decade, and the South Caucasus

Well, they're still after me, lo these 10 years. No rest for the wicked (or the sentient), even as I turn 60. Today.

Since I turned 50 a decade ago I can always count on the AARP (please, don't say "American Association of Retired Persons") to send me a birthday "card", inviting me to join up and realize all the benefits of memberships. Cheap Depends. Inexpensive burial insurance so Mary Frances won't go broke because of my funeral. A license to be a curmudgeon. First call on CSNY reunion tour tickets. Secrets to Keith Richards' longevity.

But for the 11th year in a row, I think I will pass on AARP membership.

Actually, my first birthday card came from Southwest Airlines - it arrived shortly after 1 May - they must send them out in a batch at the beginning of the month.

I'll have a nice quiet birthday celebration with Mary Frances, then prepare for my "birthday trip" - off to the South Caucasus on 14 May for 12 days in Azerbaijan, Georgia, and Armenia.

What a way to enter my seventh decade. Sounds worse than turning 60 - seventh decade! That trick derives from one of my late aunts who would always add one year to your actual age. If you turned 39, she'd always say, "My dear, welcome to your 40th year!". Drove my mother nuts, which was hard to do.

So I can do the same with decades, dear auntie. Wish you were here.

But turning 60 is actually a blast. Wouldn't want to be any other age. But I do miss Ann, Mom, and Dad. Thank heavens for sister Ellen and spouse Mary Frances.

I won't be posting much in the coming weeks, but I'll have some good travel tales for you.

!Feliz Cumpleanos, Miguel!

"Old age is 15 years older than I am." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?" -- Satchell Paige

Pentagon Puppets

I'm sure you read about the article in the 20 April 2008 New York Times about the media "analysts" who would frequently pop up on your favorite TV news show analyzing the events in Iraq and Afghanistan.

These guys were former military men, many of them generals, who presumably were supposed to be objective commentators on the wars. Some were still plugged into the defense industry, employed by firms holding/seeking DoD contracts.

Here's the transcript of an audio clip featured yesterday morning on the CNN show Reliable Sources, hosted by Howard Kurtz. It recounts a 2006 meeting between DoD Secretary Donald Rumsfeld (shown here with his favorite dictator) and more than a dozen "analysts". Two different men are speaking, both directing their remarks to Secretary Rumsfeld:

We would love...for you to take the offensive and just go out there and just crush these people...You are the leader, you're our guy...You go on O'Reilly and you've got him eating out of your hand because you're smart."

Does that sound like a recipe for "objective analysis"? 

Can you spell L-A-C-K-E-Y-S? But should we have expected something different, given these guys' backgrounds?

Who vetted these guys before hiring them as "analysts"?

"Beware the terrible simplifiers." -- Unknown

Cynthia Barnett on Self-Sufficiency

Author extraordinaire Cynthia Barnett's  delightful paean to self-sufficiency and her Mother's Day gift request appears in today's St. Petersburg Times.

Enjoy!

Remember to say a prayer for the cyclone victims in Myanmar (Burma) and their evil, feckless leaders who refuse to let foreign aid workers in to alleviate the suffering.

Speaking of self-sufficiency, here's Chief Starship Trooper Robert A. Heinlein on the topic, so listen up, and note what he says about insects:

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -- Robert A. Heinlein

ACJF: Check Out Its IRS Form 990!

So why am I ecstatic that I had to complete and file a Form 990 for the Ann Campana Judge Foundation? It was a labor of love, that's why!

For the first time in its 6-year history, the ACJF took in enough money in 2007 to warrant filing a report (Form 990-EZ and Schedule A) with the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) . So it was with utter joy that I undertook the task of completing the forms and sending them off in plenty of time to meet the 15 May 2008 filing deadline.

As a publicly-supported non-profit charitable organization under section 501(c)(3) of the tax code, our returns are to be available to all who wish to inspect them, so...Voila!

Download acjf_990ez_2007.pdf

Download acjf_990ez_sch_a_2007.pdf

I am in the process of getting the ACJF transferred to Oregon from New Mexico.

We also have a Request For Proposals outstanding with a due date of 26 May 2008. You won't find it on the WWW site, because it is by invitation only. We targeted about 10 organizations who are USA-based and work in Honduras, Guatemala, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Panama, and hope to award grants of up to $15,000 to about 5.

The ACJF no longer awards funding to non-USA organizations because of Patriot Act reporting requirements, which are too onerous for us.

Thanks to all our supporters! If you wish to contribute, go to the WWW site and click on "Contributions". Can't wait to file again next year!

The View From 210: Iraq Body Count Exhibit Brings It Home

This picture is by Reid Parham from the Daily Barometer, the Oregon State University student newspaper.

It's also just about what I see outside my office window, Strand Agriculture Hall 210.

You're looking at thousands of small red and white flags on the quad in front of the library. Each red flag represents five American deaths and each white flag represents at least five Iraqi deaths.

The display is part of the traveling Iraq Body Count Exhibit.

It is compelling...and very, very, sad.

"Some have argued that confronting the threat from Iraq could detract from the war against terror. To the contrary, confronting the threat posed by Iraq is crucial to winning the war on terror." - President George W. Bush

Need Tech Help? Call 1-800-U-A-R-E-S-O-L

A friend sent me these pictures. See caption at the bottom.

These are pictures of India, the country you call when you have a technical problem with your computer.

For This I Went to Graduate School?

Mary Frances returned from Portland last evening where she had a premonition of my future employment.

Our Toyota MR2 Spyder's plates read "AQUA" (I could not get "AQUADOC in Oregon - too many letters).  She pulled into a gas station and had the attendant fill it up (in Oregon, like New Jersey, you cannot pump your own gas).

When the attendant, a man in his 50s, noticed the plates, he asked, "You a SCUBA diver?".

"No, my husband's a hydrogeologist," she replied.

His eyes lit up, and he then related how he had been in water, even had a couple of degrees, and tested wells. Used to work for the state (hey, maybe New Jersey!).

Before she could learn more, it was time for him to stop, as the meter had hit $40 (remember, it's just a Toyota MR2), and it was time to move on.

I always figured I'd wind up as a Wal-Mart greeter, but since I live in Oregon I now know that I have options.

Like moving to New Jersey.

"You know you're old when you bend over to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there." -- George Burns

The Cost of Racism...To White People?

I've heard of studies and reports in which the costs of racism to people of color are calculated, or the economic/societal benefits of "whiteness" are tallied.

So imagine my surprise when the diversity folks at my university sent this missive around:

It is not uncommon for majority people to experience confusion and feelings of guilt as we learn and understand more about racism.  However, we rarely, if ever, gather as a group to identify, consider or discuss the personal and collective cost of racism to those who think of ourselves as White, Caucasian or European American.

The OSU Campus Coalition Builders invite you to join this campus community forum in an exploration of and respectful conversation about the cost of racism to White/Caucasian/ European American people. 

Although we hold the support of other groups in the highest regard, this session is specifically designed for White/Caucasian/European Americans who are interested in open, direct and to the point discussion of the subject with others of like racial identity.

This is really something. Unfortunately I won't be here to participate.

"Relax and enjoy it." -- Richard Perle, referring to the USA's 'victory' in Iraq, 2 May 2003

A Lesson in 'Sportswomanship'

Check out this amazing story of "sportswomanship" in collegiate sports.

Central Washington University (CWU) softball players Liz Wallace and Mallory Holtman carry Western Oregon University's (WOU) Sara Tucholsky around the bases so she could get credit for a home run after she injured herself rounding first base and was unable to advance any farther under her own power.

Tucholsky would have received credit only for a single if she could not advance herself. Holtman asked the umpires if Tucholsky would get credit for a home run if they carried her around the bases, making sure she touched each base. After conferring, the umps said okay. So Holtman and teammate Liz Wallace performed the ultimate act of unselfishness and 'sportwomanship'.

The home run was Tucholsky's first at the college level.

You go, girls!

"Baseball is the only sport with a play called a 'sacrifice'." -- Unknown

Will Malaria Eradication Promote Global Warming?

John Fleck posted this item by Roger Pielke, Jr., and labeled it a "provocative post". Pielke posits that eradicating malaria may lead to increased GHG emissions from African nations, where over 3 million people die from the disease each year, and one billion contract it. Sick people are a drag on the economy. It's difficult for them to be productive.

So let's treat people, rid the continent of malaria, and help people escape from poverty. What happens as people start working? The economy grows, and guess what? More GHGs!

Sounds like a recipe for more global warming.

Read Pielke's article. He's not advocating (nor am I) that we refrain from eradicating malaria, but it's a provocative (Draconian?) premise.

As John says:

This is not, of course, to argue against treating malaria. It’s merely another illustration of the tangled relationship between disease, poverty, economics and climate change on a global scale. It’s a really hard problem.

"Never underestimate how poorly people can treat one another." -- Unknown

"MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" -- sign aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, during President George W. Bush's address, 1 May 2003